Talk:comme un pet sur une toile cirée

@Per utramque cavernam, fancy translating the quote? —Μετάknowledge^{discuss/deeds} 01:35, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

@Metaknowledge: I made this very clumsy translation, but I need you to go through it.

"Uncovered/discovered, he slipped through the dumbstruck guards as fast as greased lightning. He was getting close to the street's corner when the first gunshots were heard. Feeling a sudden pain in his left ear, he tried to touch it, but it wasn't there anymore. This pain, making the threat more real, made him run at an olympic, although clobbering, pace."

There are a few literary turns of phrases which I have no idea how to render into English.

• "quand claquèrent les premières détonations": lit. "when the first detonations clacked"
• "où il porta la main pour ne l'y plus trouver": lit. "to which he brought/put his hand with the result of not finding it (his ear)"
• "dotant la menace d'une dimension nouvelle": lit. "giving to the threat a new dimension"
• "imprima à sa course un rythme olympique, quoique cahotant": lit. "imprinted/gave to his race/running an olympic, but lurching/jumping/bolting, rate"

--Per utramque cavernam (talk) 14:16, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

This is challenging. I think I'll go for the easy way out and shorten the quote to the first sentence. Thanks! —Μετάknowledge^{discuss/deeds} 17:45, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

With his cover blown/Now discovered, he slipped out between the startled guards like greased lightning and was turning the corner of the street just as the first explosions gunshots rang out. Feeling a searing, burning pain, he put his hand to his left ear only to find it gone. The pain served to intensify the threat [add a new dimension to the threat] and gave him the impetus to run with at the pace of an Olympian, albeit an unsteady one.

Very nicely done, anon! A couple things I'd quibble with ("explosions rang out" sounds decidedly odd), but I'll borrow your nicely colloquial opener, assuming that it's not inappropriate for the tone of the original. —Μετάknowledge^{discuss/deeds} 18:01, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

Which couple of things? Nothing wrong with 'explosions rang out' at all.

Usually, one responds to a compliment without engaging in prescriptivist criticism (not even well founded criticism, in this case). In literary English, shots ring out, but explosions do not. —Μετάknowledge^{discuss/deeds} 18:22, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

Yes, that looks very good. But I don't think détonation means "explosion" here; it's really "gunshot", given that the character loses his ear to a bullet. --Per utramque cavernam (talk) 18:22, 4 March 2018 (UTC)

I agree, but the collocation still has to sound right. The alternative is simply to give up translating that literally and just go for "gunshot". —Μετάknowledge^{discuss/deeds} 18:55, 4 March 2018 (UTC)